It’s 1 a.m. and I am here.

I went to bed at about 11:30… later than I should have, but within reason. Kind of. I tossed, I turned, I got frustrated. Got up at 12:15 and took a shower. Went back to bed. But I’m crowded and uncomfortable and WIDE FREAKING AWAKE.

And I have no idea why, and it’s too late to do anything about it. If I take a Benadryl now, who knows when it will wear off. As it is, I’ll barely be able to function tomorrow. I do not handle fatigue well. There are people who can still get up and go to work, and get stuff done despite the fact that their ass is dragging because they’re so tired. I am not one of these people. When I’m that tired, all I can think about, every second, is that I am so tired … I fantasize constantly about climbing into bed and taking a long, hard nap. The harder I try to concentrate on doing my actual work, or keeping Zoey entertained, or whatever (depending on where I am), the more frustrated and sleepy I get.

So, needless to say, I am REALLY looking forward to tomorrow. (Which I guess is, technically, today.)

Wish I knew why I’m still awake. I’m sleepy, but the moment my body comes in contact with bed sheets, my brain lurches into hyperdrive. It starts careening down random pathways, flitting from topic to topic, and at this time of night, they’re never simple, happy topics. It’s always love, anger, frustration and fear, at this time of night. I’ve tried thinking about all sorts of specific things to help myself settle in and drift off. Not a single one has worked. Every movement and snore from the other side of the bed feels exaggerated and intentional. I wish our house were large enough for a spare bedroom, ’cause I’d be in it right now.

Sigh :( Know what? This is lonely. This sucks.